The phrase “men suffer in silence” is often repeated, but this perception does not align with reality: men’s suffering is anything but silent.
After several women and children were murdered by black men in domestic violence incidents, many online voices, including Roland Martin and Essence magazine, labeled this a mental health crisis. They framed these acts as symptoms of men’s mental health issues and lack of therapy, not as a result of patriarchy. Prior to the crimes, many offenders reportedly showed declining mental health without receiving help. Afterward, attention went to the men’s well-being, rather than their victims. While men minimize these acts with their hardships and the positive things they have done, and some women call for safe spaces for them, I question the claim that men suffer in silence.
What happened to the strong and silent men who supposedly do not put emotions on display, who are said to be logical rather than emotional? This question becomes pressing because, from where black women are standing, the suffering is loud as fuck, from where all eight of the Elkins babies are buried, the suffering is screaming bloody murder. For men who aren’t supposed to show emotion, anger seems unfiltered and unsuppressed. So the line is drawn at empathy, vulnerability, kindness, and humility.
Meanwhile, men and those who protect them focus on what these men were experiencing, not on their women and families. They introduce violence against women as more context to prioritize the needs of Black men, or omit it. Many of these women were set to leave, triggering male entitlement to control. This is about misogyny, patriarchy, and entitlement, not just mental health. The women on the opposite end of the fist, the acid, the bullet, have long warned each other, but attention repeatedly shifts away from their warnings.
We’ve long noted how men’s misery often comes at a woman’s expense. Now, these men turn their issues into others’ death sentences. When we call to protect Black women, we are told to be better, with no demands on the men who are often the danger. It is exhausting to see trusted media reframe the narrative around men’s needs rather than protecting women and the marginalized, a persistent and troubling pattern.
Ultimately, men suffering in silence is a lie told to criticize women for the damage white supremacist patriarchy has caused. It redirects emotional labor to women, shifts blame to mothers rather than absent fathers, and wrongly asserts men suffer quietly. Instead, their suffering is global wars, genocide, femicide; it is a bomb heard around the world, and at this point, I just wish it would shut up so more of us could stay alive.
LeChell Rush 